AR-15s Versus Viagra

(First published in the Johnson City Press, Tennessee, 12 August 23)

My name is Michael (Gene) Scott, and I am a retired teacher who grew up on a farm in the Midwest in the 1960s. A smooth-bore musket that fed past generations of my family — James Scott arrived from Scotland and settled in Pennsylvania in 1774 — hangs proudly above my writing desk.

Smooth-bore Musket
Smooth-bore Musket

I’m a lifelong gun owner and believe the Second Amendment is fundamental to the Constitution.

And I can also read. I know what the Second Amendment actually says.

The Second Amendment
The Second Amendment

If you absolutely must have an AR-15, then simply join the military.

There is no other reason to have one. You can take down a deer, bear, moose, elk, rabid horse, or angry elephant with any large caliber hunting rifle bought off the shelf at Mahoney’s.

If you are too weak to handle a large-caliber, bolt-action rifle or join the military, there is always Viagra.

Ask your doctor for a prescription if your bone spurs are acting up and your liver whispers into your ear that you’re not quite a military-grade specimen.

But there is no reason for children, their parents, and their teachers to live in fear. There is no reason to fear going to the grocery store, or to church.

There is no reason for children to go to school in a penitentiary, wrapped inside a pen of concertina wire happily supplied by an entrepreneurial ex-mayor.

Common sense, folks. Let’s apply just a little common sense to this situation and save our precious children.

They are watching.

— MICHAEL E. (Gene) SCOTT
Johnson City, Tennessee